


Like A Butterfly

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brothers, Coming Out, Confessions, Family Fluff, Gender Identity, Genderfluid, M/M, No shipping, Other, pre!fall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:06:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8286884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Raphael and Lucifer never really got along and the older angel doesn’t like it. He just can’t understand his brother, no matter how hard he tries. They don’t even talk much. One night though, Raphael comes to Lucifer unexpectedly and with a secret on his mind that opens his brother’s eyes.





	

They are all the same, all equally loved. That’s what God told them at least, but sometimes Lucifer isn’t so sure about it. Of course, he knows his father loves him, even if there’s a certain sadness in his eyes when he looks at his second oldest son sometimes. Lucifer doesn’t know what it means, but he assumes there is something his father won’t tell him and he’s not going to ask – he wouldn’t get an answer anyways. However, Lucifer knows they are not the same, not even a bit.

He knows Michael is strict, stubborn and never questions God or his decisions. Lucifer wants to be like that too, but there are too many questions in him to be like his older brother. Michael is a warrior who enjoys to fight, who will lead troupes of seraphs in battle one day – as he puts it – and who is merciless.

Lucifer is nothing like Michael. He hates fighting, even if he does it when he has to. For his father. Always for him. But Lucifer is too patient to be like Michael, enjoys the beauty of their father’s creations and admires the silence too much to be like him.

Then there’s Gabriel, still a fledgling, but more curious than they have ever been. He wants to know everything, asks all the questions that come to his mind and is a bundle of joy and happiness. Gabriel is still innocent, as far as Lucifer can tell, and he intends to keep it that way as long as he can. Because this innocence might prevent his baby brother from becoming like Michael one day. As much as Lucifer loves the older one, he doesn’t want Gabriel to lose his spirit and become like him.

And, of course, there is Raphael. Lucifer never really had a connection to him, he just doesn’t understand him most of the time. He is quiet, usually by himself somewhere far away from his brothers. God loves him, as much as he loves his other sons, but over the time Lucifer realized he loves them for different reasons and in different ways. Raphael, however, often worries his older brother. He never talks to the other angels, only to God, and Lucifer wonders if he even cares for them at all.

One day, when Lucifer had just put Gabriel to sleep – after two hours of singing to him and telling him stories – Raphael comes to him for the first time since he had been a fledgling himself. Lucifer is surprised, but tries to hide it. After all, he is the big brother for him, isn’t he?

“Lucifer, can I talk to you for a moment?” Raphael asks, almost shy, and that surprises Lucifer even more.

“Of course you can.”

He quietly closes the door to Gabriel’s room – once the little one is asleep he luckily is until morning – and follows his younger brother down the hallway. He inspects Raphael closely, once again wondering what it is about him that he just can’t understand, but it’s of no use.

“You look concerned, Raphael,” Lucifer notices and his brother sighs heavily. “Is something the matter?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” Raphael mumbles and stops in front of his own room. “Can I ask you a serious question? But you have to be honest, don’t lie to me.”

“Raph,” Lucifer huffs and smiles, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “When did I ever lie to you, little brother?”

Raphael gives him an awkward smile, then opens the door to his room and guides Lucifer in. Once the door is closed, he walks over to his bed and sits down. Lucifer notices something on the nightstand – a glass globe – and furrows his brows.

“Raphael, what did you do? Did you steal something from the Garden of Eden?”

“I didn’t… okay, _yes_. I did. Don’t be mad, Lucifer, but I _had_ to,”

Raphael looks devastated and this unfamiliar posture – despite them never really getting along and not even talking much – worries Lucifer. Raphael is still his brother, he loves him dearly, with or without talking. Trying to look as calm as possible, the older one walks over and kneels down in front of Raphael, who looks into the glass globe.

“What did you take?” he asks carefully.

“A butterfly,” Raphael admits.

“A… _butterfly_?” this confuses Lucifer greatly.

He knows Raphael enjoys nature, but he never thought the other would have a particular interest in the flying creatures their father has created. Curious, Lucifer turns his head and inspects the small insect in the globe. He has never seen one like these before – even though he has visited Eden countless of times himself and admired its perfection in every aspect, from plants to living creatures. Butterflies he had seen millions of, but this one was unique.

“Why does it have two different pairs of wings?” Lucifer wants to know, to which Raphael sighs again.

“This is why I took it. It’s the first of its kind I have seen and I _had_ to keep it.”

“You confuse me, Raph,” Lucifer sighs. “What is so special about this butterfly?”

“It’s like me, I think…”

Silence fills the room when Lucifer looks back at the butterfly even more irritated than before. The beautiful creature bats its wings – one in an iridescent bright blue color, one with less blue and brown and slightly bigger – and wonders what this butterfly has in common with his brother. It’s unique, the way he thinks they are all unique, but there is no explanation it offers to him.

“I don’t think I understand, Raph,” he finally says, looking back at Raphael. “I’m sorry.”

“This is a monarch butterfly, dad told me,” Raphael says quiet, looking at the insect. “The male monarch is a beautiful blue color, the female one is brown, with little blue and has bigger wings.”

“And?” the gears in Lucifer’s head are turning, but the final click is still not there.

“This one is both, Luci…” Raphael whispers and looks into his brother’s eyes. His dark brown ones are the saddest eyes Lucifer has ever seen and his heart sinks a little when he sees his brother like this. This is the first time he calls his big brother by his nickname for years too and maybe that’s the worst part of it.

“Raph…” Lucifer takes his younger brother’s hands into his own as tears build up in his eyes and without a word he pulls him into his arms when they begin to fall. He doesn’t know what happened, why this butterfly upsets Raphael so much, but he knows that right now he needs to spend him comfort and that’s what he is doing.

Raphael cries for a long time, his sobs only broken with whispered ‘it’s both, Luci’ from time to time and Lucifer simply holds him – brushing a hand through his hair and over his back, whispering ‘it’s okay, Raph’ over and over again. Only when the tears finally dry and his sobs ebb away Lucifer carefully unwraps his arms from his brother and looks back into his eyes.

“Raphie, little one, talk to me,” Lucifer murmurs with a weak smile and wipes his brother’s wet cheeks dry. “What is wrong?”

“I… I thought you might… understand…” Raphael sniffs and now wipes his eyes himself. “I mean, you are not like Michael, you are different, and maybe…”

“I’ll understand, Raph, I promise. Whatever it is, I still love you the same, okay?”

“R-really?”

“Of course,” Lucifer smiles – and he means it. Maybe he doesn’t understand Raphael most of the time, but he has the feeling that his brother can’t understand himself sometimes _either_.

“I… I think I’m both too, Luci. I think I’m… genderfluid…”

“You mean, you’re a boy and a girl?” Lucifer asks and Raphael bites his lip, nodding slowly and looking down at his hands.

“I… I don’t understand it myself. I mean, I’m your brother, but…”

“Sometimes you’re not?” Lucifer asks, smirking. Raphael nods again. “Sometimes you’re more like my sister?”

“Yeah…” Raphael sighs.

“And why would that make a difference to me? This is you, isn’t it? Like this butterfly. You are both, a boy and a girl, my brother and my sister, right?”

“You… you don’t think I’m… a freak?” Raphael asks confused and looks up. His eyes are wet again and Lucifer knows he would cry again if he wasn’t too surprised, but he just smiles at him warmly.

“Raphael, you are not a freak at all,” he says and chuckles, before pulling him into his arms again for a relieved hug. He had thought it was something horrible or dangerous, not something that would actually make him happy for some reason. “You are still the same.”

“But… what about Michael… and dad? And Gabe? What will they say? They will be so disappointed if they find out! Dad wanted me to be a boy and now –“

“Wait a minute,” Lucifer says and holds up his hand, stopping Raphael’s word. “Dad wanted you to be who you _are_. He _made_ you this way, did you forget that? He made Michael, Gabe and me boys and you? He made you both.”

“But…”

“No buts, Raph. I’m not disappointed, I’m _proud_ of you for telling me. For trusting me enough to come to me tonight. Don’t you feel better now?”

Raphael blinks confused and looks over at the small butterfly on his nightstand.

“I… do… I feel better, yes,” he eventually mumbles.

“Because you accepted yourself,” Lucifer nods and squeezes Raphael’s hands. “Dad will be proud too and so will Michael. And Gabe? He adores you, don’t you see that?”

“He, what?”

Lucifer lets out a hearty laugh that comes right from his stomach and stands up.

“Gabe asks for you all the time. ‘Raphie, Raphie, wanna play with Raphie! Where is Raphie?’ Do you think he would do that if he wouldn’t adore and love you?” he asks, smiling.

“He does, really?” Raphael asks and smiles too, folding his hands between his legs.

For a moment Lucifer remembers when Raphael himself had been a fledgling. Usually Michael had taken care of him, because Lucifer had not been much older than their youngest brother, but this one day Lucifer had played with him. Now he has the same look on his face – huge brown-gray eyes and an innocent and hopeful smile on his lips. It’s a good memory.

“He does and nothing will change that, promised,” Lucifer smiles. “Raph, you can be a boy or a girl, it’s your choice. You can be both if you want to. You can be a boy today and a girl tomorrow. You are still _you_.”

“Thank you, Luci,” Raphael sniffs and rubs away new tears building in his eyes. “I feel so dumb now, I thought you would be mad or yell at me…”

“Not for that, never. Because you drive me crazy? Yes, maybe,” Lucifer smiles when he heard Raphael suppress a chuckle. “But not because you want to be yourself. Tell me, is that why you are always by yourself?”

“Kind of…” Raphael admits and looks away. “I didn’t want you to find out… sometimes I borrow clothes from Hannah, she’s the only one who knew until now.”

“I understand,” Lucifer nods. “But you don’t have to hide, not if it makes you feel bad about yourself. If you decide to tell Michael and dad, come to me first, okay? I’ll stand by your side.”

“Thank you… you’re a good big brother, Luci.”

“And you’re a good little brother, Raph.”

Raphael stands up too and pulls Lucifer into a hug, the younger one still shorter and barely out of his child state, but with more burdens than his older brother ever thought. Lucifer holds him tight and lets him know that yes, he is right just the way he is – and if anyone tells him differently, Lucifer will teach them a lesson. Nothing changed, not who Raphael is and not how he feels about him. Somehow they will figure this all out and he will do his best to help his brother – and sometimes sister – to feel better and to accept that this is just who he is.

After all, does it really affect their relationship? A brother or a sister, Lucifer loves him equally, no matter what he identifies himself as. Maybe they will manage to get along a little better, too. To be honest, Lucifer never liked how apart they were anyways…


End file.
